Why do the same experiences seem to keep finding me?
You may be starting to ask: why does life always seem to take me to the same place - not literally; it could be a different job, a different relationship, a change of direction or relocation. Or perhaps it’s an addiction you try to stop, and no matter how much you learn, discipline yourself, try to self-improve, or promise yourself this time will be different, it never is.
The same outcomes
The same reactions.
The same failures.
The same frustrations, disappointments and the same hurt somehow keeps finding you.
And perhaps the hardest part is that despite everything you've learned, understood and tried, you still end up turning it back on yourself.
I've failed again.
What if what you're experiencing…
The things you judge about yourself
The reactions you try to change
The outcomes you feel powerless to stop
What if they make sense?
My name is John Arrell. I’ve been here
When yet another relationship failed, when alcohol was no longer bringing me relief, when self-help strategies to manage my life and running to the next thing that promised to be the answer failed, I finally asked the question: Why?
From this curiosity, I started to see patterns in how I was showing up, the choices I was making and how I was reacting. What I realised was that what I called “me” was really the way my developing brain had learned to act, behave and adapt as I learned how to be in the environment I was born into.
What became more apparent was I seemed to be attracting similar experiences in my adult life, but unlike my childhood the ways I had learned to be were no longer working.
Life was presenting me with invitations to make different choices, but what I learned was that in order to make different choices, I needed to meet what my childhood adaptations helped protect me from.
I needed to meet the stories I told myself about myself, not as the boy who created those stories but as the man who was now able to stand alongside him.
About Your Facilitator
Born in the late 70’s in the middle of troubles in Northern Ireland, he was named after his murdered uncle John Arrell as an act of defiance and to carry the grief of an entire family.
His early childhood was shaped by his mother’s inability to properly care for him, labelled a “bad baby” because he cried from the lack of nurture for the first two years of his life and was subsequently “raised the same way a dog would be trained” during the remainder of his childhood.
Experiences that later would be known to him as chronic childhood developmental trauma and CPTSD
He grew up believing that his role was to be what everyone else needed him to be, he did not develop a sense of self or worth and spent the first part of his life unconsciously playing the role and behaviours that had been “trained” into him during his formative years.
In 2019 life took him to New Zealand, away from everything he knew and loved. The COVID pandemic created enough separation for him to see that how he learned to be was not the truth of who he was.
A complete psychological breakdown and spiritual awakening followed as he embraced what he had learned to suppress in his childhood, and the less-than-healthy shadow ways he had learned to navigate life and get his needs met.
A generational trauma breaker, John now helps others, whether that's through their own spiritual awakening, inner-child facilitation work, or simply sharing his story to help people feel less alone. His work helps people see the truth of who they are, embrace life as they learn to integrate all of themselves and move from managing their experiences to participating in them.
The Invitation isn't about giving you answers. It's about creating the space to become curious enough to find your own
What is the Invitation?
The Invitation is a guided half-day workshop where you bring something real from your current life that you would like to explore differently.
It might be a repeating experience, a relationship you are struggling with, a reaction that feels bigger than the situation, something you find yourself continually trying to change or control, or simply something happening in your life that you can't quite make sense of.
Rather than giving you answers about what your experience means, I'll share stories and experiences from my own life, creating opportunities for you to reflect on your own through a series of guided questions.
You'll have time to reflect and write privately after each question, followed by an invitation to share what you discovered with the group if you choose to. There is no requirement to share, no attempt to diagnose or fix you, and no predetermined place we are trying to get to.
My role is not to tell you what your experience means, but to create a space in which you can explore it for yourself.
When we become curious about how we meet our experiences, we create the possibility to move from managing our life, to participating in it.
What will we explore?
Together we'll become curious about:
What is actually happening in your life and what you have made it mean.
How you currently respond when experiences like this arise.
What may have shaped the way you currently meet experiences like this, and what your response may be doing for you.
What this experience might be bringing you into contact with.
What support, capacity or choices may be available to you now.
How you might meet the experience differently.
There is no predetermined answer or destination. What you discover will be your own.
Who is this for?
The Invitation is for people who have already started looking at themselves and their lives with curiosity, but still find themselves caught in experiences or reactions they don't fully understand.
You may recognise that:
You keep finding yourself in similar experiences or relationships, even when the people or circumstances change.
You understand some of your patterns, but understanding them hasn't necessarily changed them.
You sometimes have reactions that feel bigger than what is happening in the moment.
You find yourself trying to control, fix, avoid, numb or understand your way out of uncomfortable experiences.
You sometimes wonder how much of the way you move through life is really you, and how much you learned in order to cope, belong or remain connected.
You're tired of treating yourself as something that constantly needs to be fixed.
You're curious about what your experiences might be showing you and whether there could be another way of meeting them.
Bring what you’re experiencing, We’ll get curious about it together.
Who is this not for?
The Invitation may not be the right space for you if you are looking for someone to give you the answer, tell you what your experiences mean, or provide a step-by-step formula for changing your life.
It may also not be for you if:
You are looking for a quick fix or a guaranteed outcome.
You want new strategies, or ways of adapting
You want to focus primarily on understanding, diagnosing or changing someone else.
You are not currently willing to become curious about your own reactions and experiences.
You are looking for therapy, trauma treatment or support for an acute mental health crisis.
Learn to meet what life is bringing you into contact with without judging yourself or others.
Why Attend?
The Invitation is an opportunity to bring something real from your life, explore it without being told whats wrong with you, and experience what happens when your experience is met with acceptance and curiosity rather than judgement or fixing.
What you may leave with
Greater acceptance for the parts of yourself you have judged or tried to change. More curiosity about your reactions and experiences. And another way of meeting what life brings you in contact with without immediately making yourself wrong for what you feel, need or experience.
Ready to meet your experiences differently?
The Invitation
A half-day guided workshop
Date / Time: Saturday 19th September, 9:30am
Location: Sumner Community Centre (above library)
Small group (10 max)
NZ$195 per person
The Invitation is an opportunity to step away from trying to fix, control or make sense of everything for a few hours, bring something real from your life, and experience what happens when it is met with acceptance and curiosity rather than judgement.
The Invitation
Bring your experience and discover a different way to meet it.